It's raining. Inside & outside

I'm sad. There are a number of things that could have caused this. My ex, from EIGHT years ago added me on Facebook. Out of curiosity, I accepted. Well, we ended up talking for hours. Also, he has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I enjoy talking to him immensly, but I have loved him these past 8 years in secret. Just talking makes me.. Happy/sad. He just got out of a messy situation so I completely understand him not wanting to jump into a relationship. But the heart wants what the heart wants, right? In the meantime, I'll just be here for him as best as I can.

Be kind to others. ❤️❤️

Rough days.. Rougher nights?

Well, my 11 year old has now been sleeping in my bed for about a month now. Says she likes to cuddle with me. That aside, I honestly wouldn't mind.. If. IF I didn't have a panic attack everytime I need to roll a different way. IF she didn't need to have the TV not only on, but loud enough to exacerbate my anxiety symptoms. Even though my bed is big, she always manages to push up as close as possible as me, and I end up half off the bed. For me, getting through the day is hard enough. I haven't showered in months, due to my depression. I don't WANT people to be that close to me, whether I love them or not. I sit here all day with my racing heart and pounding headache, waiting for my daughter to get home at 4. Then it's nonstop chatter about homework, dirty clothes, kids at school, let mom rest. Until bedtime. Which was my sanctuary. But, no more.

Helpful(?) Tips

First post!! *nervous*

So, here's the thing. This used to be my jalbreak blog. That's part of the reason it's still too colorful. I guess I feel like a blog about dark thoughts and mental illness should be well, dark. I don't have a computer anymore, and trying to edit this entire blog on a small screen with slow data is pointless. I want you guys to know, I'm here to share my thoughts, as dark as they are. Maybe not for you, maybe for just me. Sometimes I'll share things that help, or the horrible things in my head.. It's going to be a ride. 

Be kind to one another .